oh my perfect.
You know how it is, right, ladies? You know a guy for a while. You hang out with him. You do fun things with him—play video games, watch movies, go hiking, go to concerts. You invite him to your parties. You listen to his problems. You do all this because you think he wants to be your friend.
But then, then comes the fateful moment where you find out that all this time, he’s only seen you as a potential girlfriend. And then if you turn him down, he may never speak to you again. This has happened to me time after time: I hit it off with a guy, and, for all that I’ve been burned in the past, I start to think that this one might actually care about me as a person. And then he asks me on a date.
I tell him how much I enjoy his company, how much I value his friendship. I tell him that I really want to be his friend and to continue hanging out with him and talking about our favorite books or exploring new restaurants or making fun of avant-garde theatre productions. But he rejects me. He doesn’t answer my calls or e-mails; if we’d been making plans to do something before this fateful incident, these plans mysteriously fail to materialize. (This is why I never did get around to seeing the Hunger Games movie. Not to name any names, but thanks a lot, Tom.) Later, when I run into him at social events, our conversations are awkward and lukewarm. This is because the moment we met, he put me in the girlfriend-zone, and now he can’t see me as friend material.
I must say that I find this really unfair. I mean, I’m a nice girl. I have a lot to offer as a friend, like not being a douchebag and stuff. But males just don’t want to be friends with nice girls like me. They can’t help it, I guess; it’s just how they’re wired, biologically. Evolution conditioned our male hominid ancestors to seek nice girls as mates and form friendship bonds only with the other dudes that they hunted mammoths with. It’s true—I know this because I studied hominids in my fifth-grade science class.
So what’s the answer? Should I take up mammoth-hunting in an attempt to appeal to the friendship centers of men’s primal lizardbrains? Should I keep making guy “friends” and then prevent them from making a move on me by subtly undermining their self-confidence? Should I just give up on those manipulative, game-playing, two-faced bastards once and for all? I don’t know. I mean, I’d really like to have a true friendship with a guy someday, but it’s so hard to trust and respect them when they never say what they mean—and you never know when you might be relegated to the girlfriend-zone.
I’M I’M JAVERT
NOW PRISONER 11111
YOUR TIME IS UP AND YOUR PAROLE’S BEGUN
YOU KNOW WHAT THAT MEANS
MEANS I’M BREAD
WHY IS THIS SO FUNNY FAKJDDa
I AM SO FUCKING DONE.
What the fuck.
We’re that bad, huh?
Did you do the thing, Neopets?
Tell me the truth, Neopets.
OK, this bothers me even though it’s just for fun. There are actual rules that dictate when the letter combinations make each of these sounds and “ghoti” doesn’t fit those rules so no, it would not be pronounced “fish!”
I feel like everybody goes through a phase where they’re like “omg english is the weirdest language in the world, wtf, why can’t we have a sensible language like these other languages, i’m so smart and worldly”.
Then maybe eventually they realize that those languages have other hard things about them like being written in a logographic script or taking a bazillion words to express an idea that takes only a couple words in English.
Look what I found at the dollar store!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
This made my day like you would not believe!
Bless you, you perfect angel
Is this is a figurative illustration of an obese persons discovery of their love for unhealthy foods, and how their excitement and pleasure from such constant indulgence distracts them from realizing their unhealthy lifestyle that ultimately results in their death from heart failure?
Nah man, I just really like chocolate oranges.
Best comeback ever.